Most wedding speeches do not need to be funnier, cleverer or more emotional. They need to be shorter, clearer and delivered by someone who remembers there are people listening.

I have spent more than 20 years performing and speaking into microphones, and I also work as a wedding MC. Here is the advice I give speakers when they ask how not to lose the room.

Know what your speech is actually about

Before writing, finish this sentence: “I want everyone to leave knowing…”

Maybe it is why you admire the couple. Maybe it is what changed when one of them met the other. Maybe it is a particular side of them that deserves celebrating.

Once you know the point, stories become much easier to choose.

Five good minutes beats twelve average ones

There is no prize for length. A focused speech with two strong stories will land better than a complete chronological biography.

If several people are speaking, the cumulative time matters too. Three speakers doing ten minutes each is half an hour before anyone has accounted for introductions, applause or the person who promised five minutes and brought nine pages.

Tell stories, not lists of adjectives

“Kind, loyal, funny and generous” tells us very little. A 30-second story that proves one of those things is much better.

Specific details are what make a speech feel personal. The weird holiday, the disastrous first date, the ritual phone call, the thing they always do when somebody needs help.

Roast gently

Wedding humour works best when the person being teased enjoys it too.

A good test is whether the joke makes the room like the person more. If the laugh depends on humiliation, an ex-partner, private information or a story the couple specifically asked you not to tell, find another joke.

Use the microphone properly

Hold a handheld microphone close to your mouth and keep it there. Do not wave it around while turning to look at the couple. The microphone is not hearing your excellent story when it is down near your chest.

Speak slightly slower than feels natural. A room absorbs words differently from a conversation across a table.

Write for speaking, not reading

Short sentences help. So do line breaks. Print in a font large enough to read without burying your face in the page.

You do not have to memorise the speech. You do need to know it well enough that you can occasionally look at the people you are speaking to.

Start cleanly

You do not need three minutes explaining how nervous you are. Say hello, establish who you are if necessary and get into the story.

The MC should introduce you properly, which means you should not have to spend half your speech doing admin.

Finish before you run out of ending

Land on something warm and direct, then raise the glass. Do not tack on another story after the emotional conclusion because you remembered something on page four.

What a good MC does for the speeches

A wedding MC is not just there to announce names. I make sure speakers know when they are on, where the microphone is, how long they have and what is happening immediately after them. I also work with the venue and other suppliers so speeches happen at a point in the night where the room is actually ready to listen.

If you would rather enjoy the reception than manage speakers, timing and microphones yourself, have a look at my Sydney wedding MC service or get in touch.